5 Hacks to survive the Christmas Chaos
If your family is anything like mine, Christmas chaos is not just a thing you see in a typical Christmas movie. I know families that make the National Lampoons Christmas look like a breeze.
So, here are my 5 hacks to surviving all that merriness this festive season is about to stuff like the proverbial turkey down your fucking way.
- Use the “Gotta see the In-laws” Excuse.
Whenever you’re sick of your family, you can then tell them it’s time to go to your significant other’s family. Sharing is caring, no? If you are single or don’t have a partner – this is what tinder was made for guys… sheesh! I’m sure you can swipe left and trade an excuse for some egg nog, if you know what I mean.
- Tell them you are trying something new.
Which parents wouldn’t be proud to hear their child is going to start their own Christmas traditions. Being ready to ‘pave their own way’.
- Get a dose of Gastro.
Anyone who has ever decided to eat the last serve of chicken from the Bain Marie, or believed their kids when they tell you they washed their hands, knows that you can’t go ANYwhere if you catch a bout of gastro. I mean, not only does that shit spreads like a wildfire (pun intended) but you are way too scared to stray more than 100 metres from the toilet. A cough becomes a terrifying concept. That’s just not the kind of Christmas spirit your family is going to want to share.
- Double book
This one takes a bit of planning but it’s do-able. You need a really good poker face and practice your lie, erm I mean issue so you don’t get caught out. You could say you’re volunteering somewhere, or your bestie broke up with her partner and you don’t want them to be alone for Christmas.
- Make Peace
This one is probably the hardest one. You can try and actually get amongst it and use this festive season to ‘mend some fences’, 'bury a hatchet' or 'kiss and make up'.
Pick the family member you want to work on your relationship with and challenge yourself to have that truce ready to be wrapped up in time for Carols by Candlenight. If that fails, you could actually make it Boxing day in a literal sense… now where was that hatchet again?If that all fails, there is another Christmas Spirit that makes everything slightly more tolerable, and that’s Brandy.